I weighed 96 pounds throughout high school. Yea, I know. I was “that dark, skinny chick in the choir.” Ha. Anyway, as weight fluctuates I would step on the scale on good days and be a few pounds heavier, though never where I wanted to be— never more than 100. I would say the reason is a combination of my metabolism and starving myself whenever I ran low on cash. It sounds stupid now but back then I didn’t want my stepmother to feel like she was doing me any favors so I refused her cooking. That’s an entirely different story though. I was probably the only one excited about gaining the freshman fifteen last year (lol). I was also probably the only one who hardly gained any weight at all! 

I’m frustrated now more than ever before because I’ve become more conscious of my weight. I see it in pictures now. It’s impossible to ignore when I shop. Oh, and people constantly point it out. I damn near snapped at an old lady working at Costco over free samples. I didn’t want the flipping chips! She asked twice and then added, “come on sweetie, you need meat on them bones.” I find that and other comments like it extremely rude and mostly because people walk on eggshells around bigger people to avoid offending them about their weight. Meanwhile, people openly ask me if I have a disorder. Hmmph!

I’m not bitching or crying or whining, really. If you don’t like something about yourself change it. If not, stfu and live with it; there’s no sense in complaining. So I’m on this diet. I’ve gained 5 pounds in two weeks, and I managed to cut out fast food. I set my goal at 115 by the end of the summer which is do-able, I think. This also gives me the chance to work on self-discipline and my cooking. I’m excited!(:

& early enough to catch the Turkish restaurant for breakfast!

yesssssss :)

I hate horrors where the ghost (or whatever) crawls under the sheets from the foot of the bed.

To be on the safe side, I sleep with the ends of my covers tucked underneath my body. Yepp, I do.

I soon won’t have a News Feed.

I didn’t realize some of these people were so annoying.

So, a guy I was dating convinced my friend and I to go with him and his business partner to Tampa on a business trip last weekend. We ended up smoking at their client’s apartment (on them). Then we drank (their brilliant idea).  I don’t normally drink but I had my very first full can of FourLoko. Can you see where this is going? I miscalculated the amount of time I had to get to the bathroom, which was in the bedroom where the guys were going over contracts. The looks on their faces were priceless. I stumbled in with wide eyes (trying to sober up), two huge wet spots on either thigh, and locked myself in the bathroom. 

Afterward I crawled from the living room to the bedroom scrubbing the green out of the carpet before anyone could catch it. I actually knew the guy they were doing business with from my freshman year of high school so he wasn’t a jerk about the situation. Small world. He requested me on Facebook the other day and I made sure to apologize about the couch. I must have done a great job cleaning up because it turns out that he assumed (from the spots on my pants) that I didn’t get anything else. Way to tell on yourself, Jae. He was still cool about it though. We laughed.

The other guy, G, on the other hand, has been avoiding me. When we got to the hotel that night, he said that I was acting weird and tried to convince me that I wasn’t really drunk. “Are you kidding me? That FourLoko can’t be that serious. It’s not liquor! You’re just being weird. You’re not like I thought you were.” Boy, was I pissed. He says I’m inconsiderate for getting drunk on his business trip and I say he should take some responsibility because he should have kept his business and personal life separate. I can see you any day of the week, sir, why was it necessary for me to go to Tampa with you on a business trip? Please, tell me if I’m wrong. I mean, I did apologize because I can see where I was at fault but I’m not about to kiss ass. I can’t take it back, I can only learn from it and move forward. I must say I little bummed because I really enjoyed getting to know him and I really felt like it was going somewhere. It is what it is though.

As mortifying as that whole experience was, I REALLY wish someone had taken pictures!

Life Path 2

Because you are easily hurt, you may tend to withhold your own thoughts and contributions to the matter at hand. This can cause you considerable resentment and anger. Too often, you run from confrontation to avoid a battle. When you employ your considerable inner strength, that will give you the courage to use your own personal power when it is needed.

You are a sensitive and passionate lover; your perceptiveness makes you aware of your partners needs and desires, which you are able to fulfill with almost magical delicacy. However when you feel you have been mistreated or jilted you can react with devastating power, sometimes using personal criticisms vindictively.

I don’t usually believe in stuff like this but this is right on the money. It’s scary.